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From the Law Offices of TRJ
On Behalf of Petitioner:
Petitioner (that's her) and respondent (that's him)
have been involved in a serious pre-marital relationship for the past 2.3
years, 6 hours, 11 minutes and 22 seconds. During that time, petitioner
has provided respondent with various, unaccounted, but memorable "nightly wifely
duties" and other privileges of co-habitation. In exchange for
these privileges, respondent has repeatedly agreed to compensate
petitioner by providing her with a diamond engagement ring and establish a
date for a future marital merger.
Despite repeated failures on the part of the respondent
to provide the petitioner with an engagement ring, respondent insists on
publicly referring to petitioner as his fiancé and thus continues to
cruelly and maliciously mislead petitioner and embarrass her before her
family, friends, and business associates.
Petitioner has been clinically diagnosed as suffering
from "Fiancé Alienation Syndrome" which is clearly the direct
result of respondent's actions, or more appropriately, inaction.
Petitioner is continually embarrassed by well-meaning family and peers
inquiring as to the whereabouts of the infamous engagement ring.
Petitioner is frequently forced to lie to her family and peers in a
generous effort to protect the respondent's image by providing inquisitors
with an excuse regarding the whereabouts of the non-existent ring, for
example: "It's at the jeweler's being cleaned… I was doing the
dishes before we came, and I left it by the sink… The dog ate it, and
I've been following him around ever since… etc."
Despite respondents continued failures and broken
promises, petitioner has repeatedly granted respondent extensions of
time. To be blunt, respondent is causing petitioner to lose valuable
biological clock time… tick… tick… tick… On behalf of petitioner,
we urge the court to recognize that petitioner is not getting any younger
and should be justly compensated for squandered eggs.
Respondent has failed to produce the agreed upon
engagement ring for the following occasions: petitioner's birthday, the
anniversary of the day they met, Labor Day, Columbus Day, and all other
national holidays. Respondent's pathetic excuse for missing the last
two deadlines was that the banks were closed and thus he assumed that the
jeweler's would be also.
Based upon the information contained in this pleading
that clearly respondents flagrant emotional abuses towards the petitioner
we request that the court award petitioner the following:
1. Respondent must successfully complete the sensitivity
course provided by the Fiancé Alienation Response Team (F.A.R.T.) in an
effort to relieve the pressure and stress which has been building within
him and enable him to come to grips with the present situation so that he
may resolve it in a manner which is acceptable to petitioner.
2. Respondent Must stop violating the basic
fundamentals of family law and produce the infamous and frequently
promised engagement ring on or before New Years Eve of 1997.
Petitioner is also agreeable to accepting the engagement ring on any of
the following holidays prior to New Years Eve 1997: Valentines Day,
Easter, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve,
Christmas Day, Yom Kippur, Earth Day, Ground Hog's Day, Secretaries Day,
White Flower Days, or any other day, for that matter within said year.
3. Respondent is directed to review the diamond
grading information available on this site and select a diamond from The
Private Reserve within the next 72 hours. Respondent is
reminded that Visa, MasterCard, American Express and Discover Cards are accepted and that Fed Ex next day
delivery is available for a minimal fee. There are no more excuses.
4. Respondent is prohibited from inhumanely dangling the ring
in front of petitioner and must present the ring to petitioner in
chivalrous fashion within 48 hours of receipt from Nice Ice, Inc.
Respondent may obtain immediate relief by contacting representatives of NiceIce.com at 206.319.8152 or Toll Free: 877.844.5443
This humorous pleading has been brought to
you by the staff of Nice Ice, Inc.
Where everything is truly
certifiable.
May we help you find the diamond of your dreams?
Send us an email diamonds@niceice.com
and tell us what you are looking for.
Or give us a call at 206.319.8152 or Toll Free 877.844.5443
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