The Bill of Rights For Men

I. Freedom of Speech: That's right, you have the right to say whatever you want, however you want, whenever you want! If you are unsure about how to exercise this right, the next time you are with her, simply crank your head and say "Wow, look at that babe!" You will quickly discover if your civil rights are being infringed upon... and depending upon your enthusiasm and tone... just how many of them come into play.

II & III: Right to Bear Arms: We're not referring to grizzlies, though at times you may make that mistake... You have the right to accumulate and carry concealed a reasonable amount of tools that may be used for personal defense purposes (e.g. silver bullets, wooden stakes, garlic, midol, handcuffs, muzzles, and 800 number to cancel all credit cards).

IV. Protection Against Unreasonable Search & Seizure: e.g. Playboy, chocolate, beer stashes, and the infamous "Old Black Book."

VI & VII: The Right to a Speedy Trial by an Impartial Jury:  Even though the jury consists of your in-laws, her girlfriends, her co-workers, her hairdresser, Oprah Winfrey, Sally Jessie Raphael, Phil Donahue and Lorena Bobbit... Remember, you are still innocent until proven guilty!

VIII: Protects Against Excessive Bail, Fines, or Cruel and Unusual Punishments: This has nothing to do with your preference for leather, lace, bondage, or feathers... In short, it means that she can't cut you or "it" off... This has nothing to do with your preference for leather, lace, bondage, or feathers... In short, it means that she can't cut you or "it" off...

IX. Right to Assemble: e.g. Football parties, softball games, "Bird Watching" with your 'buds at the beach, etc... e.g. Football parties, softball games, "Bird Watching" with your 'buds at the beach, etc...

X. States The Doctrine of Reserved Powers: Remember, "The Man is Always Right!" Remember, "The Man is Always Right!"

And if you believe in the Bill of Rights for Men, then you probably deserve to pay full retail...
On behalf of all men, her little "Boo-Boo" is appealing R.J.'s decision from the closet-like dungeon where he is chained to a desk answering your email.  Not to worry, R.J.'s attorneys have assured us that they will see to Boo Boo's prompt release and they're the best female legal counsel money can buy.  In the mean time, call Nice Ice at 206.319.8152 or toll free at 877.844.8443 for the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

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