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The Journey Begins

Once upon a midnight dreary, where I ponder weak and weary, eyeballs glued upon this query, here I search though still quite leery. That's right buddy, perhaps you should be. If you think you're smart, looking for a diamond on the internet, then you'd better be wearing asbestos shorts because you can get your little hiney burnt bad if you don't know what you're doing. However you could also get ripped just as badly if not worse, shopping for a diamond in a traditional brick and mortar jewelry store if you don't know what you're doing . Perhaps the issue isn't where you buy the diamond, but what you don't yet know about buying diamonds that is the challenge. You need to learn how to decipher diamond grading reports and gather all of the information before you can make an educated decision and we're here to help.

But that's the least of your problems, you should really be concentrating on memorizing Shakespeare's sonnet "How do I love thee, let me count the ways" blah, blah, blah, and trying to create a chivalrous love-infested moment for your love slave to gather up all the brownie points you can get... But no, you have to be male and turn this into a battle! You got her hopes up when you asked her to marry you, but you neglected to mention your competitive urge to conquer the world diamond market and arise victoriously with the deal of the century.

The reality is that you guys have messed up the whole engagement process. Now pay attention, it's supposed to work like this... You buy a diamond in a solitaire setting, in a price range you can afford, and then you're supposed to propose in some romantic fashion that she will remember forever... Duh!

Then after she bawls her eyes out and screams "!!! Yes !!!" in such a way as to disrupt everybody around you and ravages you in public, you're supposed to go hopping off together to select the mounting of her dreams. This way you have managed to control the major portion of the purchase (the diamond) and create a moment she'll remember forever. Get it?

You're not supposed to be dragging your fiancé all over town, tormenting her with dreams of diamonds and mountings you can't afford or are too cheap to actually buy. Being a man of the 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's or even the new millennium, and not a direct descendant of Errol Flynn, we know it's too late and you've already flubbed this up beyond all recognition (that’s PC “FUBAR” for our military friends), especially if you're an engineer like our dear old dad. Mom waited twenty five years for her diamond, she finally gave up and bought it for herself and it took him six months to notice it (!) and we’re not kidding. Back to you… Your fiancé probably doesn't even want to hear the word diamond anymore and has probably stopped answering your phone calls. We know you've been cut off from sex. So here you are, alone at night, cuddled up with your monitor and manila folder stuffed with:
  • Every 4C's leaflet known to man and published during the past 30 years.
  • 82 business cards with bold faced lies and half-truths scribbled on the back in a language that only a jeweler could decipher.
  • A spread sheet analysis of every fictional and non-fictional diamond you've heard of, dreamed of, and imagined.
  • Pictures and sketches of mountings she liked, you liked, and ones you can't afford without promising your first born to the seller.
Great! Now that we've determined your normal, let's see exactly how far you've buried yourself in your quest for the Holy Grail. Answering "Yes" to any one of the following questions, is a clear indication that you need professional help… Preferably ours.
  • Does your fiancé believe that you've turned her engagement moment into another excuse to surf the net?
  • Is your relationship beginning to resemble Custer's last stand?
  • Have you burned the bridges between you and every retail jeweler in your home state?
  • Do your friends, relatives, and business associates, run when they see you coming?
  • Did your friends' trusted jeweler throw you out and demand that they never refer another friend again?
  • Are you tired of sleeping with one eye open?
  • Is your dog burying the jewelry ads from the Sunday paper?
Well, have no fear, we're going to help you get the rock that's going to change your destiny, increase your sex life, give you muscles, help you lose weight, and put hair back on your head (chest optional). That's right, we're going to make you a hero, in spite of yourself! So sit down, shut up, and hang on to your mouse!
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